Self discipline. How easy it is to say that we must be self disciplined in order to achieve what we want, but practicing self discipline is another matter all together. As a part of defining my own retirement goals, I wanted to write a book, but am still dillydallying with it a year later. I committed to doing this blog when my son got it going last week and enthusiastically began learning the hows, whys, and wherefores.
When I started writing it, I decided to write only Monday through Friday using the weekend to set up some drafts for the coming week. It all seemed so right, but, then, last week hit and I questioned my questioned my sanity. Did I really want to be tied down with something like this? I decided to complete the week and, now, I’m glad I did. It takes a lot of introspection to write about topics which I have long thought about, but never expressed to anyone. It also requires overcoming the fear of expressing my own thoughts. It might just be that the whole world will know that I’m as crazy as I sometimes think I am.
When I have opened myself over the years, it hasn’t always worked out which makes this even more scary. So, the choices are to sit here and do a blog, find something else to do, or just sit here and do nothing. I’ve done nothing and found it’s truly boring. I really need to communicate with others so continuing the blog was the correct decision for me. It gives me a pupose and keeps my brain working. It’s funny, but the more I write, the more I find to write about.
I often wonder what it will feel like next year in July when I will have completed a full year of writing this blog. Pride? Certainly. I have spent so many years being totally disciplined that there is some part of me that wants to just let go and do whatever whenever. The truth is that all that free time is, for the most part, wasted. The brain turns to mush and the body soon follows. So, having gone from totally disciplined to absolutely none, I now seek the middle road.
I want to have daily things to do, but not so many that my time is, once again, totally tied up. The freedom to be a sloth is appropriate for me at this time of life, but too much free time doesn’t make for a happy life. So, like my children, I am trying to find the balance that is right for me. Did any of us realize that life would be so difficult and consistently challenging? If there is another life after this one, I want to take all the answers I’ve learned in this one with me.