Doing What We Must

Self discipline.  How easy it is to say that we must be self disciplined in order to achieve what we want, but practicing self discipline is another matter all together.  As a part of defining my own retirement goals,  I wanted to write a book, but am still dillydallying with it a year later.  I committed to doing this blog when my son got it going last week and enthusiastically began learning the hows, whys, and wherefores.

When I started writing it, I decided to write only Monday through Friday using the weekend to set up some drafts for the coming week.  It all seemed so right, but, then, last week hit and I questioned my  questioned my sanity.  Did I really want to be tied down with something like this?  I decided to complete the week and, now, I’m glad I did.  It takes a lot of introspection to write about topics which I have long thought about, but never expressed to anyone. It also requires overcoming the fear of expressing my own thoughts.  It might just be that the whole world will know that I’m as crazy as I sometimes think I am.

When I have opened myself over the years, it hasn’t always worked out which makes this even more scary.  So, the choices are to sit here and do a blog, find something else to do, or just sit here and do nothing.  I’ve done nothing and found it’s truly boring.  I really need to communicate with others so continuing the blog was the correct decision for me.  It gives me a pupose and keeps my brain working.  It’s funny, but the more I write, the more I find to write about.

I often wonder what it will feel like next year in July when I will have completed a full year of writing this blog.  Pride? Certainly.  I have spent so many years being totally disciplined that there is some part of me that wants to just let go and do whatever whenever.  The truth is that all that free time is, for the most part, wasted.  The brain turns to mush and the body soon follows.  So, having gone from totally disciplined to absolutely none, I now seek the middle road. 

I want to have daily things to do, but not so many that my time is, once again, totally tied up.  The freedom to be a sloth is appropriate for me at this time of life, but too much free time doesn’t make for a happy life.  So, like my children, I am trying to find the balance that is right for me.  Did any of us realize that life would be so difficult and consistently challenging?  If there is another life after this one, I want to take all the answers I’ve learned in this one with me.

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9 Responses to Doing What We Must

  1. Nicholas says:

    I used to always think life would be difficult and consistantly challenging. It was when I allowed it to be easy, that was that hard part. Ironic…

    The commitment to your writing will be a great testament to your commitment to yourself. I had a hard time writing my blog. I also felt like many around me were far more sensative for me to write my thoughts in public as I am often taken out of context or maybe I am just a bit insensitive… either way, this will only help work your brain into the habit of writing, and that is great for the goals you have set for yourself. Stick with it even when you don’t want to. Just like when I get up at four in the morning and work twelve hours. I may not want to, but I know that it is doing something positive.

    Keep it up, you got talent kid.

  2. Doris says:

    I second that. You got talent kid! I look forward to reading your blog every day.

  3. Leo says:

    “It might just be that the whole world will know that I’m as crazy as I sometimes think I am.” I actually think we are all crazy on the inside and some are able to hide it better than others. We are not much different.

    I would suggest doing a couple of things. Take advantage of the post scheduling. On the day that you really feel like writing pump out one, two, or three posts and schedule them to be published throughout the week. I do that a lot and it helps.

    Also, create one day where it is a little lighter. One thing you could do is create a question of the week and publish that one day per week.

    There might be some people that write some comments that might be a little hurtful, but I think that is their problem and not yours. Keep writing, put yourself out there and have fun writing… I know it has been fun reading!

  4. Leo says:

    Also, use this time of low readership to find a rhythm that works for you. The great thing now is that you have the freedom to find the “writing schedule” that works for you. Then. As the number of readers grows you will already know what to do, until you are ready to change again. 😉

  5. Doris says:

    Carol, here is a blog that I discovered just today. Tracy Crow. I think you’ll like her.
    http://writingformercy.blogspot.com/ Like us, she served in the Marines, only in a different decade — one of major change. Enjoy.

    • Carol says:

      Doris, I did just that and now she is on my favorites. I found her inspiring on several levels and envious of her ability to write so well. Will talk with you about this later.

    • Carol says:

      I don’t get it. What was the major change in the Marines in the 80’s? I must have slept through that decade due to lots of diaper changing, bottle feeding, going back to work outside the home and missed it. Explain please.

  6. Carol says:

    I searched for the essay, but haven’t found it yet. Also, emailed her with a question so we’ll see if she replies. I hope she does. Are my blogs grouchy or are you getting the tongue-in-cheek attitude? Please critique since I trust your comments.

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