Geriatric Thoughts

Tech toys are a particular favorite of mine and the Kindle Fire has renewed that passion.  The first focus was inevitably the book section.  Books to loan, books to buy, books everywhere followed by reading until I thought my eyes would bleed.  Untroubled by such minor things, I read book after book after book.  It was heavenly to find a newer, easy source of books plus finding a whole new source of authors.  There is a plan to get to the magazine and newspaper section, but admittedly there hasn’t yet been time to look at it. 

The Fire comes loaded with all sorts of goodies including a game called Angry Birds which  is addictive, hard, and fun.  Hours have steadily piled up trying to learn this game.  The game contains a variety of birds, small blue ones who when tapped in flight will split into three birds.  There are the red and yellow ones who have more heft than the little blue ones.  The aim of the game is to sling these birds into a fort made of wood and glass and maim the snotty, grinning fat pigs who have stolen the birds babies.  Sounds so easy and all you need is a good strategy  as well as hand and eye coordination. 

Starting play in early December, I managed the first few stages of level one with only minor difficulty one would associate with learning a new game.  Before I knew it Christmas had arrived and I was with my five-year old grandson.  He has the same game loaded on his iPod and played it with wild abandon.  To my chagrin he and I are on the same level, but he leaves it refreshed and happy.   Meanwhile, my play is way, way too intense and laced with constant frustration and aggravation.  Strategy is easy enough but hand and eye coordination are severely lacking.  This game brings out all my bad sides which are normally hidden and I just want to personally strangle those pigs.  With that in mind, rules were established.  Now, my play time is limited to about 15 minutes per day.  This will be slow going, but I will prevail and learn all the levels of this game.  I just hope the dental bill isn’t too painful.

Well, whoopee, the year of 2012 is here.  If I don’t sound excited it’s because I really hate the new year to do list.  I always have one so this is nothing new.  But it’s time to close the files for last year and begin the ones for this year.  I would rather clean house than do files which isn’t saying much.  What makes it worse is that for the past year I have been throwing all the “keep” paperwork into a pile in a closet so I must now go through each piece of paper.  It wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I finally got a file cabinet and set it up.  I have a feeling there will be a big purge happening.  The good news is that I usually get all the paperwork for my taxes together at the same time so that job will be done.  In late February, all of the tax info will go into a manilla folder and forwarded to my CPA.  Essentially, I do two rotten, aggravating jobs at the same time to lessen the pain.

This year I have added an extra job for myself.  I am dedicating myself to eating only healthy foods for the month of January.  The idea comes from a fellow I worked with who each January never drank any alcohol.  The rest of the year he could drink whenever or wherever, but the month of January was spent in total sobriety.  The idea spurred me to try it with healthy food.  I veered away from healthy eating and am finding it hard to get back on track.  Oddly enough, my eating habits aren’t unhealthy necessarily if you don’t count the apple fritters, bags of chocolate, and other assorted sweets consumed over the past few months.  My daughter-in-law, Michele, is joining me on this venture.  We are our own support group.  Early February should bring some interesting results for both of us.  Already, I am debating whether or not excluding chocolate includes hot chocolate.  That doesn’t seem quite fair and, yet, cheating is cheating.

If I were smart I would add in requiring exercise a couple of times each week, but there is only so far I can push myself.  Maybe that should be a goal for February.  If I were really good, I would try to do something good for me each month.  But, no, that just seems too demanding.  I’ll just try to get through January.

At one time, there were a lot of articles regarding road rage and the sometimes dire consequences of such actions.  What is never discussed is older drivers and their effect on driving conditions.   Living in an area where there are a lot of older drivers it would be easy to talk about the little old lady driving a consistent 35 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone.  Everyone passed her without delay and I wondered if she cared that her speed, or lack thereof, could possibly cause an accident.

Driving attitudes vary so much that it is a wonder there aren’t more accidents.  Long ago when my friends and I were all in our early thirties. one espoused a theory that the “older” drivers of our time went along slower than everyone else because driving wasn’t second nature to them.  There were no cars when they were young and driving was often acquired when they were adults.  My friend made a good point and I’ve never forgotten what she said.

My daughter and I often disagree on our driving capabilities.  I have always loved speed and driven fast.  I feel more in control with speed fidgeting and fussing when sitting in traffic.  Alicia used to drive fast, or at least the speed limit, but after years of living in Alaska with their road conditions and probable moose crossing the highway at any point, she drives in a more sedate manner.  While traveling together in Texas, she was driving 60 on a 70 speed limit highway.  She was still wary of moose and not understanding her point of view, I nagged asking her to increase her speed.  Finally on learning the reason she moved so slowly, I assured her there were no moose in Texas.

This visit, she took over my vehicle which tells me she is not at all comfortable with my driving.  At least this time, she drove the speed limit which is all I ask.  That trip, there was no nagging or sniping from either of us making it much more pleasant.  Truth to tell, I don’t mind that she commandeered my car.  I rarely get the opportunity to ride with someone and find it a joy when I do get the chance.

Hopefully, our generation of  “older” drivers will do a better job of driving as the limitations of age fall upon us.  Driving is a privilege no matter what the age and for many of us it is still a pleasure.  Drive on America and pray the Gods of gasoline keep the cost reasonable.

What are you doing today?  It’s my day to enjoy a retrospective of many Christmases with the kids.  The earliest memory was the time when I was pregnant and Leo surprised me with every type of maternity clothing anyone could want.  I protested that he had spent so much money on me, but my mother wisely told me to hush.  She got that he was so thrilled we were having a baby that all restraint was lost.  There was the time Leo and I were up late putting together all the toys Santa would bring in a few hours or even better, the Christmas morning we sat with glue and extra batteries ready to repair all the toys that broke or stopped playing within a few hours of play.

There was the Christmas day we spent draping Cliff in tepid towels trying to break his 104 degree fever only to take him to the emergency room at 11:00 pm after a fight with the pediatrician who was positive that we weren’t doing what he told us.  We had been for about twelve hours and I was in no mood for his all too patient instructions on how to correctly handle this obviously easy task.  It turned out that Cliff had a blood infection and the doctor was totally apologetic.  Cliff got the best of care that visit.

There was also the year that due to whatever happened we were unable to get any shopping done and it was nearly Christmas.  We hired a babysitter for the boys on Christmas Eve and went to the local Woolco in Woodbridge, VA where they were having a clearance on everything.  We had no list since there was little hope that the boys would get anything they asked for and they were so little they wanted everything.   We shopped and had a great time just being two young marrieds out for the day.  My husband and I got time with each other, the uncrowded store still had lots of good stuff, and the kids had a great Christmas.

When the boys were on their own and Alicia had just started driving, we had a totally practical Christmas.  The boys got huge boxes of Tide, socks, underwear, towels, and all the little things they would need for the coming year.  Alicia got a safety kit for her car with flares, flags and all sorts of necessities among other things.  At first, their dismay showed, but then they got into the spirit of the thing and started realizing the enormity of their gifts.  I still remember Nick mourning a misplaced washcloth.

The year I had cancer surgery and chemo I was in no shape to shop and Leo who had had radiation and chemo wasn’t in any better shape.  The question was how were we going to have Christmas for the family.  That year I went through the Eddie Bauer catalogue and figured out what would suit Leo, the kids, and myself making a list that was more than a page long.  I called the order in and ever since then Eddie Bauer has loved me.  I was their favorite customer that year.  Everyone except Alicia loved their gifts; she returned all of her gifts receiving money back and did her own shopping.  Still, it was a fun way to handle a tough situation.

There was the time I worked at Belk and the majority of gifts came from there since I could use my employee discount.  I remember walking around with huge bags dragging my arms down.  In fact, I still have a sweater from that Christmas which I always wear around Christmas since it’s green with a little red and white mixed in.  There was the year that Leo traveled 26 weeks out of the year and never once did I complain or whine.  It didn’t really register with me how important that was to him until he presented me with a wedding band with five diamonds.  I had been looking for about two years and couldn’t find anything I liked.  On our anniversary, December 24th, he gave me a dozen red roses and tucked in one rose was the ring.  I was dazzled by it and the thought behind it.  I still wear that ring; it’s my most precious possession.

So, it really doesn’t matter the situation, money, or gift that makes Christmas.  It is the time given to ensure that the family is together and loved and honored.  Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year.

It was Saturday night and I really wanted to watch a movie.  Unfortunately, the Christmas holidays were upon us and networks were throwing up a bunch of stuff and whatever stuck to the board was aired.  That’s how I ended up watching “Country Strong”  which after seeing trailers hadn’t piqued any interest.  Admittedly, I am not a huge fan of country music fan, but I do have a few favorites here and there.  Plus, the idea of Gwenyth Paltrow playing a country singer wasn’t exactly my idea of great casting.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, Miss Paltrow, I was wrong.   You know an actor is giving a good performance when they lose themselves and become the character they are playing.  She not only became the character but drew me in until I actually cared about this woman and her problems.  What starts out as a drinking, living hard story became an in-depth look at the main character, Kelly Canter, and her struggles with alcoholism.

It provokes one to think about how the hardest times in our life often rule us thereafter.  Once, I knew a woman whose life revolved around the time when their home was flooded.  She referred to it often when making a point on some issue and seemingly relived that time over and over.  Bad things do happen and they do happen to all of us.  We who endure must continue living and seek growth leaving the past where it belongs.

That’s easy for me to say or write, but how does it work?  Forgiveness seems to be the key that unlocks all those emotions stored from “rainy” days.  Forgive and forget, so trite this oft-repeated phrase, but to actually do it requires an almost superhuman strength.  Forgiving someone or yourself requires an open heart that can say, “this happened and I won’t let it rule my life again.  It is over, behind me and I will take back the control over my life.”

Beyond that, forgiving others is so much easier than forgiving ourselves.  We seem to be able to excuse others while still holding ourselves accountable.  There is no fairness in such a position, but that is the reality.  Maybe Christmas is the time to package up those affronts to our lives, put a pretty bow on them, and burn them to ashes.  New life can and will grow from the ashes and we will be the better for it.

We don’t ordinarily think about our various body parts unless something happens that accentuates it.  Nothing is worse than an earache unless your back hurts which is surpassed only by tendonitis or anything else that happens to hurt.  Prior to having the surgery on my nose to remove basal cell carcinoma, I really hadn’t given my nose much thought.  It was big but not horrendously so just a normal nose.

I didn’t worry about the surgery except that it drives me crazy to have someone near my face.  When my doctor was looking at that doomed spot originally, it took all my effort not to sucker punch him.  I behaved.  While the surgery was going on the doctor kept telling me to close my eyes; however, when I did, the fear blossomed into a giant, overwhelming substance prompting me to reopen them.  Finally, the doctor explained that something could fly into my eye and damage it.  With that scary warning, they stayed closed.

After the first cut was completed, the Ipod on my phone serenaded me through the relief.  Since I had to stay in the room and wait until the biopsy was complete, I updated my children by texting info out to them saying that all was well and I was waiting for the biopsy results while listening to my favorite tunes each of which evoked some memory.  The results came back that I needed further cutting so back to work the doctor went.  He, the nurse, and I chatted about the music and enjoyed, at least I did, the variety of music playing.

Soon, it was over and I went back out to my son and we headed home.  My nose was still numb but total relief flooded me.  It was over, done, finished.  The nose was sensitive for about a week throbbing every time I bent over.  It was tender to the touch, even my pillow, for the first 24 hours or so, but after that was fine.  There is nothing to fear.  My nose looks fine and the flap procedure erased a couple of wrinkles.  The worst part was the band-aid adhesive that itched so much I stopped wearing them.  If you are ever diagnosed with basal cell, never fear just get it taken care of.  There are a lot worse things that could happen.

This past July, I started a part-time job with the local paper with little idea of what I wanted to do, but knew that writing for a newspaper would hone and improve my writing abilities.  The other benefit was getting out of the house and meeting the people of this community.  My hermit capabilities are legendary and the tendency to enjoy that alone time is limitless.  If there is one thing I know, it is that alone time is fine, but too much of it is not.

Adapting to working again proved to be more challenging than I had originally thought and, at times, it was almost overwhelming.  During one dilemma, I had to make up my mind as to whether or not to continue.  It finally occurred to me that the times that were trying would pass and I would want my job once more.  I made a deal with myself to stay for a year and decide then.  Right now, I’m not sure if I would ever quit.  This one little job has presented a golden opportunity to meet some wonderful people all of whom I call friends now.

First, it was a lady who suffered through many of the same life traumas as me and managed to teach multiple handicapped deaf children.  The next were a father and son team who race on the local dirt track.  They were charming, fun and totally interesting.  Another was a husband/wife team who took on a 105 year old house that had once been the local grocery store.  She had filled it literally thousands of antiques and just plain old stuff.  My eyes couldn’t see fast enough all the stuff she had acquired over her lifetime.  For her Christmas Open House, she decorated 34 trees, baked enough cookies, brownies, and other goodies, completed other decor, and could still stand there welcoming people into the home she is so proud of.  They would have to hospitalize me for a month if I did all that.

This week it was a bell ringer and the head of the local Salvation Army office.  I heard so many stories of how blessed all they and the fellow volunteers and employees are to be doing what they do.  The Lieutenant was a young man still in his twenties who not only ran the office but also is the pastor.  He is so impressive seeing his youth as a disadvantage when the reality shows that it isn’t.  He has a heart bigger than anyone and deals with the despair and need with the enthusiasm of youth.

I had a mental list of questions for the bell-ringer most made from preconceived ideas.  Turns out she is from Florida and a Katrina survivor.  She lost everything except for a few things gathered in the few minutes alloted before she had to leave her house for a shelter.  She is very together and making a new life, one that is not filled with material things, but rather the peace and joy of surviving and doing as she chooses.

These people have all made a mark on my heart and life reminding me that we all struggle, all of us have painful, major losses, and that resiliency is the armor for facing life.  Each of them and all the others gave me the gift of opening their lives and allowing me to share it with others.  The richness of this gift received warms and humbles me.  Learning about them teaches me about the good that exists in all of us not just at Christmas, but all year round.